Pretending really doesn’t work for me. Overall I am all about happy and I love having fun. Yet lately it felt like I was walking in yukky mud. I wondered if perhaps it was simply the ebb to the fabulous flow and that sounded good. But it wasn’t the whole truth. What I didn’t want to admit was that parenting was feeling sucky. And I was ashamed to name it. Tonight I call bullshit on that Mama shame story.
Feel better sunshine! My life is so wonderful on all levels…why be blue?
Parenting is hard. Can I just put that out there? As these little people have grown up it has definitely gotten easier and I remind my friends of that as they change diapers in the middle of the night and survive another temper tantrum. But then there are these times when I wonder if I’m lying to them. Because it doesn’t feel easy at all. It feels pretty poopy.
The nagging and repeating the same thing over and over.
The irrational arguments that ignite a raging fire in my teenager.
The mean jerk followed by the instant charmer who all of a sudden wants something.
Like I’m stupid and don’t know this game?
The time required to keep up, coordinate and reschedule all that is going on in their lives is massive.
I used to be physically exhausted as I chased my boys around and fed them and spent hours in bath time and bedtime routines. Now I feel mental exhaustion as they ask hard questions that I don’t know the answers too, argue about senseless, illogical crap and debate with me on the studies that aren’t yet completed on the appropriate number of healthy screen time hours.
Keeping them safe used to mean I couldn’t have a conversation with a friend without needing to interrupt it 5 times to run after a fearless child headed for a busy street or down a staircase. Now it’s my brain that is fried trying to keep them safe. I swear I can’t think up another new pass code to protect every electronic devise available to them (clearly the spy obsession is paying off for younger son).
It’s hard. That is all.
I’m not complaining. This isn’t about loving them or being grateful for them. You’re smart. You know I’ve got that covered. And if you’re feeling judgy, don’t worry, I already have awesome humans as friends that let me be me in all the ways I am me. They know that I love being Mom to these guys. And they know that parenting is hard for me.
When you value FUN as much as I do and you do everything possible to make parenting FUN you still have to trudge through the NOT fun stuff that is the reality of parenting.
I know it could be harder and more time consuming. I know this. I know I have a helpful partner that rocks. Yes. I know. I appreciate all that is good daily. But that doesn’t acknowledge and honor the fact that, for me, this shit is hard.
It is hard for me because sometimes it just hard for me.
That’s all. Sometimes life is hard. Most of the time parenting is hard. And that’s okay damn it.
You want this to end on a happy note?
Part of me wants to say, “No! Deal with it.” But I am a sucker for a happy ending too. And I can actually deliver because…drum roll…both of my kids are at overnight camp for the next 5 days! WoooHooooo!!!! Dance party at Sara’s!