When I was in middle and high school I was told I was pretty but dumb. It was a light-hearted saying that was meant to make me feel better about my stupid questions, my bad grades, my inability to focus on homework I didn’t care about.

I wanted to be smart though. It took me years into college before I realized, for myself, that I was smart. But I still had this perception that I had to prove I was smart and the way to do that was to be less pretty, less sexy, and certainly, I couldn’t let anyone see my goofy side. I wanted to be taken seriously and I was willing to hide who I was to be known as smart.

There was no space for my feminity and my child-like wonder to shine without judgment, without taking away from being smart. There was so much I didn’t realize, so much I rejected about myself. I am learning how to unlearn and relearn. I love being able to play with what it is like to be both of all the things.

I am wise and I am a goofball.
I am warm and compassionate and an unapologetic truth-teller.
I am sensual and sharp.

“The two facets are not at odds; they are in complement. They are the umami & the sweetness. The harmony & the melody. The orange & the purple. The masculine & the feminine.”
~Tanya Geisler (link to full piece)

Tanya Geisler gets me. But more importantly, I get myself.