Facebook and Sara have a love/hate relationship. I say it, my friends say it, I think most people feel that way.
This week, with the tragedy of our nephew passing, facebook has been like a HUGE hug and waves of love every time I open it up. I felt like I needed to post about it. I needed people to know what was up in our world. I needed people who know Carlos to know. And you know what, I didn’t just need them all to know, I needed the thoughts, the prayers and the kind words. I didn’t know I needed that and it wasn’t my intention consciously but I think under the tough girl persona I rock most of the time, I totally wanted it. I was like a little girl raising my arms up to Mom and pleading, “Uppy, Uppy!” And that really means, “Hold me! Hold me!” I’m fragile right now. I don’t want to feel alone. I want to know you care and are there to hold me. I can’t ask my Mom to pick me like when I was 3 yrs old. But I can ask my friends, my family, my community to hold me in their loving prayers and it works. It totally works in such an awesome way.
I ran into people out and about during the week and most of them had seen the news on facebook and were quick to give me a hug, ask how I was doing, tell their story of someone they knew that had taken their life. Immediate and heartfelt connections were made. Relationships deepened. Eyes welled with tears. Deep breaths.
Instant facebook messages with other nephews and nieces in Mexico made me feel close and connected. A friend stopped by with lasagna and we were able to share a moment together. And she laughed at my pot of ramen noodles on the stove and she knew how much I appreciated the time and energy she gave me. Friends called. A cousin left me the sweetest voice message. The agents on our team all asked how they could help and Brett showed a house for one of Carlos’ clients.
I really can’t believe I’m thankful for facebook. It pisses me off actually that I’m wrong when I argue that facebook is impersonal and that we need to disconnect from technology and reconnect with the real people in our lives. I don’t like being wrong. This week facebook did help me connect in a real way. Because I posted I was able to create deeper connections offline too and experience the outpouring of love that I so badly needed.