• Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
Sara Alvarado: Keynote Speaker | Teacher | Writer
Sara Alvarado
  • Home
  • Memoir
  • Speaking
  • Free Resources
  • Real Estate
  • About
    • Blog
  • Contact
  • Search
  • Menu Menu
Blog

When Alzheimer’s Took the Wheel

November 7, 2017/in Vulnerable & Vibrant/by Sara Alvarado

It was last year at this time when the doctor told my mom that she wasn’t able to drive anymore. She was 68, vibrant and seemingly fine to many.

It feels like forever ago, but I remember the small hospital room as our little family piled in; me, my sister, Dad and Mom. My mom was anxious. She hates these appointments, always worried the Doctors will ask her questions and highlight all the ways things are not going well. They won’t focus on the positive. My mom likes to focus on the positive.

The Doctor asked her how she was feeling and my mom made her statement with confidence, “I feel great. I make a conscious choice to be happy every day.” The Doctor nodded her head, a bit passively. Maybe I was being overly cynical. I remember watching her eyes closely to see if she was really seeing my mom, hearing her and knowing her, or was she just waiting  her turn to Doctor and move on.

Please see her.
Please acknowledge this amazing spirit.
She still has so much to offer the world.   

At one point the Doctor stepped out and I was quick to make the bathroom excuse and followed her out. In the hallway, I stopped her and we huddled and whispered as I explained the driving situation and recent incidents and the challenges my Dad was having with this next step of taking mom’s car away. The orders needed to come from this cold, calculated Doctor and so here I was plotting with her, against my mom’s wishes.

I was focused on the outcome and determined not to let the process break me.

Back in the room there was nervous chatter as we waited for the Doctor to return. She walked in and I braced myself. We can do this. I repeated it over and over again.

“Based on the progress of your memory loss, you should not be driving and I suggest not being alone for long periods of time either.”

There it was. Words that would be typed into her report and filed away. It was official. We watched my mom closely. Her eyes were glazed, she acted surprised but not really. “Oh, wow, okay then.”

Later she would forget and we would have to remind her that it wasn’t us denying her her driving rights, her independence…it was that Doctor.

I held  my breath in that hospital room. The Doctor moved on, other words were exchanged, a PET scan was ordered. The actual diagnosis was looming and would come a couple of weeks later.

A whole year ago it was a form of Dementia…soon to be Alzheimer’s. But this was not news to me. The signs had been consistent and in my face for a couple of years already. I knew what was coming. I knew what was here.

The outcome is understood. The symptoms are understood. They are discussed and tracked, sometimes subtle and other times blindingly visible.

But the progression…what I didn’t know, what I still don’t know, is how it will progress. The progression is the unknown. It could be fast or slow.

Really fast or really slow.

How do I plan for that? How do I prepare for that? How do I brace myself for that? I can try to and yet I can’t. That’s the truth. All I can do is surrender. I surrender to the here and now. I consciously tap into the wisdom of surrender.

My mom doesn’t drive anymore. She doesn’t read my blog posts anymore. So much has changed.

My grief has changed.
Her laugh has changed.
Our family has changed.

This is where I should add in the things that haven’t changed. That’s what we want to hold on to. But I’m not going to. Not today. These changes are all part of this messy life.

Sometimes the unknown needs to be just that, unknown.
There is grace when I surrender.

Tags: Alzheimer's, Surrender
Share this entry
  • Share on Facebook
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on WhatsApp
  • Share on Pinterest
  • Share on LinkedIn
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Share on Vk
  • Share on Reddit
  • Share by Mail
https://saraalvarado.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/tree-696833_1280.jpg 853 1280 Sara Alvarado /wp-content/uploads/2015/11/SaraAlvaradoLogo.jpg Sara Alvarado2017-11-07 10:26:002017-11-07 21:51:33When Alzheimer’s Took the Wheel
1 reply
  1. Amy Newton
    Amy Newton says:
    November 10, 2017 at 12:52 am

    Well written! My heart breaks for you and your family. Cherish every moment.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Sign up to my newsletter!

Categories

  • Authentic Leadership (10)
  • Favorites (6)
  • Race, Roles & Rawness (45)
  • Uncategorized (7)
  • Vulnerable & Vibrant (56)

Archives

Connect

     

Contact

sara@saraalvarado.com

608.438.5005

© 2020 Sara Alvarado | All rights reserved. | Website Design by Bizzy Bizzy
Seeking Contentment. Mothering Teens.rainbowNo Longer a Secret
Scroll to top

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

OKLearn more×

Cookie and Privacy Settings



How we use cookies

We may request cookies to be set on your device. We use cookies to let us know when you visit our websites, how you interact with us, to enrich your user experience, and to customize your relationship with our website.

Click on the different category headings to find out more. You can also change some of your preferences. Note that blocking some types of cookies may impact your experience on our websites and the services we are able to offer.

Essential Website Cookies

These cookies are strictly necessary to provide you with services available through our website and to use some of its features.

Because these cookies are strictly necessary to deliver the website, refusing them will have impact how our site functions. You always can block or delete cookies by changing your browser settings and force blocking all cookies on this website. But this will always prompt you to accept/refuse cookies when revisiting our site.

We fully respect if you want to refuse cookies but to avoid asking you again and again kindly allow us to store a cookie for that. You are free to opt out any time or opt in for other cookies to get a better experience. If you refuse cookies we will remove all set cookies in our domain.

We provide you with a list of stored cookies on your computer in our domain so you can check what we stored. Due to security reasons we are not able to show or modify cookies from other domains. You can check these in your browser security settings.

Google Analytics Cookies

These cookies collect information that is used either in aggregate form to help us understand how our website is being used or how effective our marketing campaigns are, or to help us customize our website and application for you in order to enhance your experience.

If you do not want that we track your visit to our site you can disable tracking in your browser here:

Other external services

We also use different external services like Google Webfonts, Google Maps, and external Video providers. Since these providers may collect personal data like your IP address we allow you to block them here. Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. Changes will take effect once you reload the page.

Google Webfont Settings:

Google Map Settings:

Google reCaptcha Settings:

Vimeo and Youtube video embeds:

Other cookies

The following cookies are also needed - You can choose if you want to allow them:

Accept settingsHide notification only
Join my email list

 

Sign up for new blog posts and love sparkles!

When you sign up, you’ll receive a free gift,
a Guide for Change Agents, delivered to your inbox.

Sign up for the Conversation Challenge

Join the Conversation Challege

Subscribe here

    We won’t send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time.

    Powered By ConvertKit

    Powered By ConvertKit