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Sara Alvarado: Keynote Speaker | Teacher | Writer
Sara Alvarado
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Poem – Tears of Humanity

Little girl. Hurt. Sensitive and hurt.
Don’t. cry.
Stop crying.
Why are you still crying?

Older now.
I find myself in moments when I know I should be crying, but I’m not.
I wonder. I worry. I shrug it off.
Too busy.
Too busy to feel deeply?
Who knows.
I shrug it off.

Still bothered.
I explain it away.
Trauma. Compound trauma.
My ability to exist is a miracle.

My
ability
to exist
is
a miracle.

My coping skills are badass.
I have the capacity to NOT cry.
Look at me, I’m Wonder Woman.
Throw me down…I still come out fighting.
I walk through the fire.
I feel the burning.
Betrayals.
Lies.

Keep fighting. Don’t let them see you cry.
Don’t. cry.

Another murder. Black people are being murdered.
Again and again.
No justice. No peace.
My stomach churns.
No tears.

If I dehumanize myself why would you be surprised that I’m capable of dehumanizing others?

Where
is
the
healing?
Where is the humanity?
Where is the love?

I am a little girl.
Let me cry. Let me cry. These tears are mine.
These feelings are part of me. This is me, all of me.

My
ability
to exist
is
a miracle.

If I feel all these feelings I will cry.
No.
I can’t.
I’m scared to cry.

My therapist asked why.
I sat quietly and remembered the time my Mom and I agreed not to say goodbye when she left me at my dorm in college. We had made a pact. At a point when things seemed to be somewhat settled, she would sneak away to the car and wait for my Dad and my sister to say goodbye to me. We agreed that saying goodbye would be too hard. We were worried we’d start crying and not be able to stop.

It was a trickster move. Our trickster move.
We thought we were smart. We figured out a way to avoid feeling the pain. Or maybe it was just to avoid crying. Because crying is bad.
“I’m scared that if I allow myself to cry I won’t stop. What if I can’t stop crying?”

She allowed my question to hang in the air. It dangled.
What if I can’t stop crying?

“Sara, no one has ever died of crying. You will stop.”

If I dehumanize myself why would you be surprised that I’m capable of dehumanizing others?

Feeling.
Healing.
Crying.
And still fighting, with salty tears dried up in the creases of my smile lines.

Sweet Sara, you are loved.
Cry. I’ll hold you.
It’s okay to feel your feelings.
They are a gift to you from you.

My
ability
to feel
is
my birthright.
my miracle.

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  • Race, Roles & Rawness (45)
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sara@saraalvarado.com

608.438.5005

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