I’m self-proclaiming my complexity here and letting you in for a behind the scenes insider view of how I grow up and into new ways of doing and BEING.
From day one it’s always been about the hard work. “Successful people know the value of hard work.” Or this one, “The early bird gets the worm.” Or, “Work hard, play hard.” I grew believing that the harder you work, the more successful you’ll be. So I got good at it.
Working hard is my hustle. I have a proven record of what hard work has done for me. Is it something I’m proud of? Nope. It’s something I’m not too sure about. I have no wisdom for you about my understanding of the value of hard work or what some may say is the false belief of ‘hard work’. But I do have my experience playing around with different ways of being.
What if hard work is so entrenched in my DNA that to try anything other than working hard feels ridiculous and unimaginable? Work smart, not hard. That is such a sweet saying. I love it. I actually preach that message, but, let’s be real, I don’t practice it. I don’t understand it. Oops, that was diminishment…of course I understand it. I’m smart as fuck. I am smart, I work smart and I work hard at working smart.
My teenage years were more about how I looked and less about my brilliance, so now, 25 years later, I am still in awe when I realize how much I’ve changed. Now that I actually feel smart and see myself as smart and experience watching other people perceive me as smart, it has sunk in. My first reaction to anything is that I can understand it, no matter what it is. Nothing is too hard for me to understand. Some things are uninteresting to me and I don’t care to understand them, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t if I wanted to. That’s how confident I am of my intelligence.
Cue enchanting spa music, low lighting and the aroma of essential oils.
Oh, the sweet sound of ease. The luxurious feeling of easy, calm and perfectly aligned. It’s all taken care of. I don’t have to work hard. It will fall into place exactly as it is meant to. Keep taking the next step towards the goal and it will all come together. The right people will show up at the right time. The inspiration will spark inside of me and the magic will flow.
Scene change. Picture my power boots, turn up the Reggaeton, flash some purple lights and add glitter. That’s my hustle.
I hustle. I have always been a hustler. It invigorates me. I get shit done with efficiency and ingenuity. I’m a problem solver, a fixer, an innovative rockstar. It’s fun and I’m good at it.
I’m also known to hustle until I crash. That doesn’t feel good at all. So when does the hustle start to burn me out and can I notice that before it happens? Is my hustle the best use of my energy? If I try and stop hustling so much am I denying my love of the hustle and trying to be someone I am not? Is the magic of ease trendy or a better way to live? Is it even realistic to live in ease all the time? Am I shortsighted if I think it’s not possible?
Ease and hustle just don’t seem to go together. When I say cat, you might say dog. But, when I say hustle, you won’t say ease.
Can they co-exist? Do I want them to? Hell yes, I do. I’m a complicated woman. Of course I want them to co-exist.
I want more ease. For sure. I have seen the grace of ease play in my life in ways that shift how I breathe. When I allow ease into my life, my breath deepens and slows. I feel grounded and powerfully connected to the Earth, to my Ancestors, and to the magic all around me.
When I’m hustling…I breathe fast and shallow. My eyes sparkle with mischievous wonder as they dart around, seeing all they can see. There is magic in my hustle, let’s be clear. I’ve seen magic happen when I work it.
Can they co-exist? Can I incorporate more ease without losing my hustle? Or am I attached to my hustle in some unhealthy way? Nah, I love me my hustle. And I love my ability to let go of the hustle when the time calls for ease. Let’s call it dancing between the two. You know I love to dance.
So the question is not which one serves me better as a way of being. The question is, what do I desire today? What serves me today?
Today, I desire ease. I have no tolerance for the hustle today. I smile when I think about some of my hustles, but today, I am not interested. That is my truth for today. And today is all that matters anyway.
Tomorrow you might see me hustling. If I confuse you, now you know why.
I’m a complicated woman.
I’m a Rockstar in a fairy garden.
I’m a Priestess at the club.